Category: Thinking

Time flies whether you’re having fun or not. The choice is yours.

Mary Engelbreit[1]

Over the long weekend in August, a friend of mine asked me to camp with her. Even though I am not much of a camper, I thought it would be fun, especially because we would be in a trailer. The trailer had air conditioning, indoor plumbing, and a stove to cook our meals. It would be an improvement over previous camping trips involving a tent, lots of rain, and the two of us huddled in a car. With our basic needs taken care of, we planned to enjoy the beautiful weather, go for walks, eat a good meal, and to talk over a glass of wine.

As Robbie Burns says, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”[2], and, boy, our plans did our plans go awry! When we got to the trailer, we discovered that there was no air conditioning because there was no electricity. We needed air conditioning because it turned out to be one of the hottest weekends in year, reaching 38° C on August 1, 2021. That was hot! Added to the extreme heat, we struggled with getting the refrigerator to work, and much of the food that we brought we had to throw out. With the remaining edible food, we didn’t cook it because my friend’s camping stove was so new that she couldn’t figure how to use it. It was a weekend that would cause anyone to throw up their hands and shout, “I give up!” However, we did not give up nor did we shout, “I give up!”, which I’m sure our fellow campers appreciated!

Instead, we decided to make the best of the rest of our weekend.  Because my friend’s sister and brother-in-law loaned the trailer of the goodness of their hearts, we decided to be grateful for this gift from her family. As an act of kindness, they wanted my friend to get away from her daily stress and unwind in nature. We realized that not everyone had an opportunity to go camping, especially on a long weekend. Most people would not have friends or family who could/would lend them a trailer. Furthermore, most parks were booked up for the long weekend. My friend’s family not only had a trailer to lend, but also had it set up in a beautiful park approximately 25 minutes from our hometown. That meant we could enjoy nature as much as we possible and run into town whenever we needed—the best of both worlds. We were also thankful for our generous and kind neighbors. When we couldn’t get the refrigerator working, my friend got up the courage to ask our next-door neighbors—even though she didn’t know them. They were both willing and eager to help us with this problem. It turned out that the fridge worked but was on the wrong setting for keeping our food cold enough to preserve. It was a simple fix. Also, our neighbors behind our lot introduced themselves, visited with us for a short time, and even invited us to party with them. As we were middle aged women, and they were in their twenties, we didn’t take them up on their offer. However, we did appreciate the thought. Practicing gratitude helped us to see what we had and enjoy it.

Also, we learned to be flexible with our plans.  When we discovered that there was no air conditioning, we went back into town, and enjoyed the air conditioning at my friend’s house. We realized that we could still visit at her place as much as at the camp. The bonus was that we could have a bath. Since we thought that shower facilities were not available (which turned out to be false), we had not planned to bathe until Monday—after all, we were camping. When we needed to go to her place to cool off, we had a bath, too! By changing our plans, we upgraded them. When my friend could not work the camping stove, we made delicious wraps and she boiled farm fresh corn. Yum! When we discovered that the indoor plumbing was limited, we only used the plumbing in case of emergencies or for middle of night trips. We decided that day trips as well as any other bodily functions could be handled by public washrooms. (Unfortunately for sister and brother-in-law, we are both middle-aged, so emergency and midnight trips were a necessity.  After the long weekend, even with the occasional trip, it did stink. So, sorry about that one! Hopefully, they were just as flexible as we chose to be over the weekend.) The willingness to be flexible reduced the stress of the weekend. This shift in our attitude made our weekend a lot more fun.

There are so many ways to have fun: some people, like myself, play games on their phone, read books, and write stories; other people go for hikes, fish, and set up a tent to camp for fun. The common thread is both the attitude and practice that an individual brings to these activities.[3]

If you think that you are not having fun, you are probably not. Conversely, if you think that you are having fun—well, you know.

Works Cited

Brown, Brene. The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden, 2010

Engelbreit, Mary. “Top 40 Mary Engelbreit Quotes.” Quote Fancy, https://quotefancy.com/mary-engelbreit-quotes. Accessed 10 September 2021

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[1] Engelbreit, Mary. “Top 40 Mary Engelbreit Quotes.” Quote Fancy, https://quotefancy.com/mary-engelbreit-quotes. Accessed 10 September 2021

[2] “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Dictionary. Com. Dictionary, 2021. Web. 10 September 2021

[3] In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown suggests that the practice of gratitude is “a call to action.” (Brown 78) It is “keeping a gratitude journal, doing daily gratitude meditations or prayers, creating gratitude art, or even stopping during their stressful, busy day to actually say these words out loud: ‘I am grateful for …’ When the Wholehearted talk about gratitude, there are a whole bunch of verbs involved.” (Brown 78n9)

Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.

I love Shrek. Shrek is a reluctant anti-hero in an anti-fairy tale. The movie starts out with Shrek living on his own and minding his own business. Then, the winds of change blow and Shrek is faced with a swamp load of fairy tale characters who, if truth be known, do not live up to their fairy tale story. Shrek is, of course, very unhappy about his situation. When he discovers Lord Farquaad is responsible for his overrun swamp, he marches off to confront this troublesome ruler. Along the way, Shrek picks up an irritating sidekick named Donkey. After a battle with Lord Farquaad’s knights and subsequent confrontation with the less than noble ruler, Shrek discovers that he must go on a quest that Lord Farquaad refuses to do for himself. I mean why do something like endanger your life if you can thrust that work on someone else? Thus, begins the incredible journey of the lone grumpy ogre Shrek.

There are so many messages to gain from this movie. Like the above quote suggests, this movie has layers. First, it satirizes the antiquated fairy tale theme of a knight in shining armour rescuing the beautiful princess. Shrek is no knight in shining armour. Princess Fiona, in turns out, is no beautiful princess locked in a tower. Fiona has a deep, dark secret. She, herself, is a part-time ogre. Aren’t we all?

Second, the film teaches tolerance and ultimately acceptance. No one is who they appear to be. Shrek, the ogre, turns out to be a courageous and compassionate hero. The dragon, who guards the castle, is a woman who finds love in an unexpected place. On the other hand, Lord Farquaad is shallow and little man who wants to be king at all costs. We learn, as we travel with Shrek, that being alone may work for short term but in long term, being with friends, no matter how quirky they are, is better than being alone.

My favorite message, though, is taken from the above quote-ogres have layers! Like Shrek, I like to be treated as a complex human being.  Most people, when they first meet me, see my disability. It’s hard not to notice my “unique” walk. I have the classic scissor gait walk-meaning that my legs open above my knee, pinch in at my knees, and open below my knees like those old-fashioned steel scissors.  Also, my feet precariously turn in on themselves. I look like I could fall over at any time. Lastly, I have a speech impediment which causes difficulty in the speed and enunciation of my words. So, upon meeting me, people treat me in two quite different ways. The first way is to make everything about my disability. Either I need tremendous help, or I need to ensure I keep my independence. Either way, the entire conversation relates to my disability. Like I said, it is hard not to notice the leaning tower of Pat.

The opposite way truly fascinates me. People will ignore or claim to “forget” that I have a disability. I understand their reasoning behind this approach. People who ignore my disability want to be open-minded and fair. I used to love and appreciate this approach when I was younger, however, as I grow older, I need to acknowledge the elephant in room without feeling guilty. Also, I want to advocate for the next generation. Discrimination is still alive and well, even in tolerant Canada and I want to both acknowledge and fight against these harmful practices.

Thus far, it seems like I am the one mainly talking about my disability. True! I am finding that I must talk about the elephant in the room in order to have it removed. I also want to talk about other aspects of myself. In my counselling internship, I learned this technique whereupon I would ask the client – “who are you?”. They would answer with a categorization that would limit or stereotype themselves. I, as a counselor, would answer back with a category that can help broaden their view of themselves. Then, I would answer, “Isn’t it great that you’re both at the same time. The whole idea is to teach that individual that they are complex, multilayered human being. In sum, they are ogres! That is what I want to be too! I am an ogre-a complex and multilayered human. One last note: I prefer to be a parfait not an onion!